I redid the opening of my story again. I hope I didn't mess it up bad but I have had all types of trouble with that opening. I think it's closer to what I first envision it to be. I had to modify that vision when I finally wrote it out when I wrote it originally. Now when I went back to add more of the five human senses to the opening--I had only sight--I also rearranged sentences so it is, as I said, closer to what it should be. Dean Wesley Smith says that is good in openings and David the Reader at WotF has stated he likes the five human senses also.
I also had to redo other sentences as I went along. I mentioned one character sooner, deleted a couple of points I never made use of and tried to cut a few of the He-s at the start of sentences. Not done yet. I played around too much and I had to do more work on this one to cut the stupid mistakes and unused stuff than usual for my stories. Many times there is very little of that but this story had all types of mistakes and even left out phrases etc.
It better be one of my better stories when I get done.
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I'm working on turning lead into Gold