Saturday, July 12, 2014
A while back I decided to do some interviews with published writers. Meredith Mansfield is the first one. She has out five books which she listed below in response to the first question. THE SHAMAN’S CURSE is the latest.
Her web site is here and you can find the various locations to get her books there Info about her on her About Page
I sent her ten questions and this is how she answered them.
How many book do you have?
BLOOD WILL TELL
& BLOOD IS THICKER
(Paranormal Romance/Urban Fantasy)
FIRE AND EARTH
(YA Fantasy/Sword and Sorcery)
THE BARD'S GIFT
(YA Historical Fantasy)
THE SHAMAN'S CURSE
(Epic Fantasy/Sword and Sorcery)
That doesn't count CHIMERIA OMNIBUS (which is both BLOOD WILL TELL and BLOOD IS THICKER) or several short stories ("Heart of Oak", "Becoming Lioness", "The Music Box", and "Wyreth's Flame")
Where did the idea for this tale come from? I believe it’s on your blog, but could you repeat it?
Actually, THE SHAMAN'S CURSE goes back so far that I can't really remember the original inspiration. I've been toying with this world and parts of this story since college. (And that's longer ago than I'm going to admit to here.)
Who is your favorite character in this book?
Unfair. That's like asking which is your favorite child.
How long did it take you to write? You mentioned deleted scene on your blog. How many and how large where these scenes?
That depends how you count. I think the first draft took about six months, but that doesn't count revisions, coming back to it several times over the last six years, or the abortive attempt to recast it as either middle grade or young adult. Let's just say this one has been cooking longer than most.
Well, the "cuts" file for this book, where I keep deleted bits or scenes, is over 16,000 words long, but that may not be the best indication. I'm quite sure there were other things deleted that aren't in there. (They are preserved in other places, though. It would just take longer to actually find them.) Looking through it, I think I cut six whole chapters. (Some of which will reappear later in the series or as stand-alone short stories.)
Any embrasasssing scenes in this book or a previous one?
Not any more if I've done my job in the editing. J
Actually, depending on what you mean by "embarrassing", I just don't write those scenes. I get things rolling and then draw the curtain and come back in the morning.
Which scene--without too many spoilers--gave you the most fits?
Hmm. I don't really remember any of them giving me fits. Some came easier than others, of course. I think Veleus was the hardest character for me to get a handle on, so possibly his early scenes.
What outfit would you wear, if you were the Main Female Character?
Well, that would depend on where she was, to some extent. Day-to-day, Thekila wears either a tunic (with laces going well down the front) and trousers or a dress that's very like an extra-long tunic. In either case, there'd likely be a band of embroidery around the hem of the tunic. Being Valson, she prefers bright colors.
Is this book in any way modeled after another published book?
What other book world would you take your Main Character to for a day on the town?
Well, Vatar is already the most well-traveled person probably in this whole world. But he's really most comfortable with wide open spaces around him. Even when he's in the city, he tends to prefer to be on the outskirts rather than within the city walls. Oh, and he hates large bodies of water or really anything with waves.
Who is your favorite writing teacher? A pro writer who also shares how to writer workshops, or a collage teacher Or?
I just completed one of David Farland's online writing classes that was very interesting.
Saturday, July 5, 2014
Okay, here is the same book on Smashwords. Of course it’s a E-file there. I just redid the cover, and even though I hadn’t planned it, the cover pic does apply to one story in the seven stories--plus one bonus.
I decided it could be better to use a different cover than the one at CreateSpace.
I had to upload the story file again and it hasn’t been vetted by a real person yet, so I don’t know if you were to buy it if you would get the new file or the one before it. The new one is in better shape and some of the stories a little bit better than the previous files. I’m not sure how long it will take to vet it. Three days or a week, but in any case it should still be okay for Smashwords.
I really do believe there are some good stories in it, a couple are just for fun, but over all nice tales.
Thursday, July 3, 2014
Okay, my fantasy story set is up at Amazon, in case anyone wants to read some fantasy tales in the flesh one might say. The cover is so-so but my novel cover will be pro.
Good News: the artist is working on my cover-I might make a change or two, but the test cover looked good.
So I predict that my E-novel Above My Pay GradeX2 will be out in eight to eighteen days. If there is no problems with the smashword and/or CreateSpace file. Yeah, they each have to have different formats. (Rolls eyes upward)
Speaking of that; my test books--actually story sets--are half and half trouble. My fantasy set is a go CreateSpace--for a paper novel, yay-, and a new improved upload is being double checked on smashwords. But my SF story set is having problems on CreateSpace. I thought I did exactly the same thing on that as I did on the fantasy set, but obviously not. I thought about leaving it, since the writing isn't as good as the fantasy set, but I need to get it right for my Novel. I have a new, improved upload of the SF set on smashwords too, that is also being checked.
I am almost done with the Smashwords file for my novel, and then start to work on the CreateSpace file while I redo the SF file.
Now to decide on what book to do next. I have four--actually more but the writing was done years ago, before I knew what I didn’t know. I thought about doing my space opera, but I remembered that I have two other novels that have been partially revised. Both are UFa--even though one is a bit different. Hmmm, I guess I will take a week or so to think about it.
And I need to start Book Two to Above My Pay GradeX2. I much I work on it may depend on how I feel about which book to work on and, as I have said before, how many of this one sells.
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
I have been busy writing and doing a bit of learning on writing. Yes, just a bit this time around.
First of all: My E-novel. I just finished the revision of ch 9 which means two more chapters to go. I am a week late on them, but I think I can get them done this next week since I am on vacation. Then comes the last spell check--that could take hours but hopefully won’t since most of the misspellings have been corrected. No, not all since I may have created new ones.
And then also comes making a cover. I am still debating if want to try it myself. I had one idea, I think I could do but after looking over quite a few samples I may do it in a different way. I’m not sure if I can do it that way. But I’m not sure if I want to take a chance and spend one hundred to two hundred dollars on it. I could but there’s no guaranty it would sell enough copies to make it worth it. I would like to think so, but there are too many variables. Fifty to seventy-five I would do.
And if I did use one of the cover sites it could take a month longer to get it done.
I am already thinking of the blurb. I have three ways of doing it and sometime next week I probably will type each one out and see if I can get some people to look them over.
The title--well I still don’t know. It’s called “Two Struggles” now since my MC has an inner fight as well as the outer fight with the bad guy. I thought about “An Inner And An Outie” but I somehow I don’t think so. :) “Duo Conflicts”? (Shoulder shrug) I can almost come up with something, but it won’t quite come.
Second of all: Been working on my Rod tales--I think I mentioned them last time. They started out as being very short, less than 300 words, stories about Rod the mage after I decided to try a couple twitter tales. They were a bit more than 140 characters. I decided to do some more and forget about making them twitter length. However I ended up with three--maybe four--of the 12 stories being over 1200 words. This one is most probably over 2,000. I have one I hand wrote out that will be under 500 words again but so far each story is longer than the last by quite a bit. I wanted to either post them on my blog or E-mail them out to anyone interested. I would need to collect addresses for those interested though. The stories would go out 3 or one or one half or one third at a time depending on length. I may just put them all in an E-book. But that won’t be for a while since I am still writing them. Speaking of that I did revise one and sent it out. More on that one later. And another 500 or so word one I revised and placed on Google+ community called “Saturday Scenes” designed for flash stories.
Third of all: I am still working on the Writers of the Future contest. Not even a Honorable Mention yet. Not with the new guy Dave Farland even though I did have a couple with the late. The one I am working on now is due June 30th. I have a second revision to do on it when I get various crits back. So far one out of four has been sent. I said I wouldn’t need them until the 22nd so since I am typing this on the 22nd none are really late yet. The one I am doing now is different for me and was inspired by a pic on G+. We shall see if I do better on this one. There is reason to believe it is a bit better than some of my previous tries. I will start working on the final revision Monday even if I don’t have any other crits. That would give me one week to finish it while I am working on the E-novel. Some crits will come in during that time. I have been accused of writing for Dave and I might just be too much--however he has stated what he wants. Which makes it sound like he wants us to write for him. And some of the advice he gives would work more generally, so it would be writing to make yourself better.
Fourth of all: It’s later--that is time to mention again the one Rod tale I sent out. I wanted to send it to Beneath Ceaseless Skies but they don’t want modern fantasies. Which is about the only type they don’t want. But I had the thought of transforming it to a western--which they don’t mind. It’s short enough and the setting is right so that it would only take a very small handful of word changes to do it. Next the idea hit me to make this a second adventure of a Cowboy mage I already wrote a nice long story about. That would take a bit more work but not all that much. If I did I could still keep the original story for the Rod tales. That is I think I could. If someone did buy the Western version I wonder if there would be enough changes to make it a different story. I could make a couple more changes and see if it would be okay.
Fifth of all: I started the revision of what I am calling themed story sets or broken novels. In other words a series of short stories about the same person. I have mentioned these before: one is a steampunk sp ops series about the Lieutenant in charge of a ten man team, one is about a different mage, one is about an alchemist. The revision I am working on is the Sp Ops series. I finished the first story and am maybe a third of the way through number two-which is 25,000 words long. The Alchemist series isn’t quite finished. The story I am working on very close to being done, but I may do one more to get the total word count up. I want each set to be at least 55,000 words, which I will E-publish.
Sixth of all:This segment is more a potpourri part. I read on one Q+ post that someone had sent out ten stories at once for the first time. That reminded me, I could use my vacation to send out stories. One per day even though I blew that already. Which means one day will have to be two. I also am doing critiques for critters.org. An online critiquing group. They now have five or more groups with different genres. I don’t send in stories anymore but I like doing the crits. This week and next I can catch up and get a little ahead. I’ve already done one.
And it took me a couple of days to finish this, so I am done with that Rod tale--it came in at over 4,000 words. And I am finished with Ch 10 of my E-novel so one more to go.
I think there was something else to say but I forget right now---if I recall there could be a PS. I haven’t had one for a while, but last month I almost added one, didn’t get to it though.
Friday, June 13, 2014
I have a book to ask you to read-which contends an example-a favor to ask and perhaps a Faux pas to commit.
First: I am going to be coming out with a E-book--”Two Struggles”--in two to four weeks--unless the cover takes longer to do. In preparation of that book I decided to list where you can get examples of my writing. The book I would like you to read is titled “Star Trek:Strange New Worlds Ten” It’s anthology of short stories and I have a story in it. I like to say it’s the fourth best out of 17 or 19 stories in the book. Don’t let the Star Trek in the title scare you away, a lot of these stories probably are not what you would expect from an anthology of Star Trek tales. That especially goes for the last story. It begins as you might expect but quickly takes a right turn. Its very well done and you may need tissue as you read it--which is all I will say about it. My story “A Taste Of Spam” is Star Trek, but I also believe it is good Science Fiction.
The favor is for you to buy that book and read my story so you will know how I write for when my novel comes out.
Buy the book Here at Barnes and Noble
And Here at Amazon
A second story--this one very short at 50 words is on this web site. It’s the last story on the list.
I am working hard to get my new novel “Two Struggles” or something that indicates two struggles, out in the time frame I mentioned. It is possible however that as I indicated, the cover could take longer than four weeks. I say that just to make sure, because something could always come up at the last moment.
Now for the possible Faux pas.
If this is totally a bad thing to ask please excuse me.
My birthday is next week so as a gift could you pass this on, either here on G+ or on a blog or even a link to my blog on twitter if you do that. I would like to spread the word of my writing examples and that I will be having a novel out very soon. I will probably ask you to spread the word when the novel is actually up, but that is for then.
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Well, it’s been a while since I posted an update on my writing-been thinking of of doing it for two weeks at least, so I decided I better do it now before I put it off again.
I just started the final revision of chp 5 of the indie novel I have referenced before--as of right now it is still titled “Two Struggles” even though I still want a better title---something more dramatic that says the same thing, if I can think of one. Anyway, I am still aiming to have it all ready to place online by the last week of June.
I believe I have mentioned I have three theme story sets I want to Indie publish too. Each set is about one certain character. One is a Urban Fantasy series around 56,000 words total. Seven or eight stories. From about 3,000 words to almost 32,000 words. The second sets is a steampunk Special Ops series. This one has a story that is just under 3,000, and one just over 21,000 words. The others are around 9,000 to 10,000. There are five stories there. The last one is an Alchemy series. It will probably come in less than 45,000 words total with 3 stories under 3,000 words two over 11,000 each and one about 4,000 words. I am still working on the last story which is already over 14,000 words and could be over 15,500 by the time I get done. I just barely started revising one set, even though certain stories have already been revised for I have sent them out. However those stories need some work for I changed names and such. I have a day off at the end of this month--which is May for anyone who might read this in the future--and I plan on just working on one of those story sets. Maybe the steampunk one.
I am still working on Writers of the Future contest even though my last two stories were among the first ones rejected for that quarter--this might be because I may have forgotten to number the pages like they want. Last quarter the first batch of rejections went out like a month or so before the second batch etc, went out which supports my idea that it was a technical rejection not a rejection of the writing. I may send that story back in next after next quarter. I have one there now and evidently Dave Farland is reading them and has decided on some. I have a story in mind for the next quarter. I want to send it to a certain market that sends a couple of lines of feedback and see what they say about it, then I add some more opening setting that Dave likes and maybe more personal angst and effort that WotF seem to like. I just got that story back from Fantasy and Science Fiction and it made it to their third level rejection. Not good, but it gives me hope that there is something in this story.
I am planning to look over the lectures that both Dave Farland and Dean Wesley Smith are offering. They are not as good as workshops but a whole lot cheaper. Both also offer online workshops that you do in your time--I took one from Dean and badly want to take at least two more. I can't find a place on his web site for online workshops and lectures but he mentioned them in a couple of Kicks. So here is a link to his Daily Kicks Right Here
For Dean's Lecture series try Here He has a menu button for his live-coastal and online workshops
I am still working on two novels at work. In Stone Within I just turned the corner toward the conclusion but I still have a chapter, probably two, before I do that in the other one--Angel Kin. However in that one my MC has just started digging a hole that will lead down to a passageway that was partially filled in. I want to place this beginning in a previous chapter--two, maybe three, chapters earlier. So she can be digging yet also have some other adventures during the digging process.
I have also written ten or eleven very short stories about another UF hero. By short I mean 144 words in two, 500 some in two and in-between in the others. Eventually I want to do like 22 and publish them, but I think I will be--some time or another--be placing them on my blog. I kinda of would like to get some E-mail addresses and E-mail them out by one or threes depending on length.
I have three stories that still need to be revised--I started one, but it’s a bit long and may take me a month to get though with all of the other writing I do.
I think that is all for now--possibility that I forgot something so there could be a PS.
OH! And Yes, I do have two story sets--one fantasy and one SF at smashwords under L. E. Doggett check them out---not my best writing in some, but I think they are not bad either. They are on smashwords.com
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Today thanks to Jesus’s death we can go in there, without a rope. God’s judgement has been satisfied and those of us who believe it and have received his Mercy and Grace have been cleansed of our sins therefore have nothing to worry about in heaven or in any building here on Earth. Here is a link to a song video that acts out the Priest’s trip into the Holy of Holies and how later on in it the singers are in the Holy of Holies symbolizing that we are free of God’s Judgement. We can step to God the Father and not be rejected or turned away for any reason.
Here the video:
Paul, a servant of Jesus Christ, called to be an apostle, separated unto the gospel of God, 2(Which he had promised afore by his prophets in the holy scriptures,) 3Concerning his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, which was made of the seed of David according to the flesh; 4And declared to be the Son of God with power, according to the spirit of holiness, by the resurrection from the dead:__
__1st Corinthians 15: 17-21
And if Christ be not raised, your faith is vain; ye are yet in your sins. 18Then they also which are fallen asleep in Christ are perished. 19If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable. 20But now is Christ risen from the dead, and become the firstfruits of them that slept. 21For since by man came death, by man came also the resurrection of the dead. ___
___Rom 10: 9 King James V.
That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.___
____John 14:26 and 27
26 But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you. 27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. ____
___1 Peter 1:8
Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory:___
Too more Videos that talk about this Greeat event.
Sunday, April 6, 2014
So here is the link to My letter .
It's a political letter based on s recent controversy. Even though it references a certain editorial, the editorial states what are the liberal points so if you have read or heard them you pretty much know what the editorial says. My letter pretty much states my views in a condensed version.
Sunday, March 2, 2014
This post has a longer title but I didn’t want to make it too long up there. But it’s “Two novels that use a New York full of mythological creatures-some friendly some not-for a setting--oh yes there is a dragon in both.”
I happened to be reading both at the same time it it struck me that it was as if someone told each writer to use the same premise. As the title says A New York City with the usual people but added on are creatures of various types that are mythological. The female hero who works for someone has to fight the bad ones and befriend the good ones. Oh yes and add a dragon. I haven’t finished either yet but I know I will be reading the next one.
Next I want to say that none of this is a criticism. Both stories are different: heroes, backgrounds, bad guys, event that is bad, dragons too but that is all I will say about that now. And even though the first one I will discuss was done first, months ago, I am not saying it’s bad that they are similar. We writers do get ideas from other writers and use basically the same plot but with our imprint on it. I do that in my upcoming Indie novel. Second, I want to say that I will be attempting to not put in any spoilers, except for a couple of small ones that don’t amount to much.
So now to the books:
“Discount Armageddon” by Seanan McGuire.
It its the first in the InCryptid series. The second one is out and if it is not out now the third one will be soon. Two small spoilers here. The girl on the cover is wearing that outfit because she is a dancer. And McGuire has an unique take on talking mice. Fun stuff there. Which is all I will say about that.
Not at all like the October Daya books also by McGuire. If you haven’t read them--do it--great stuff there. But these are more light hearted but yet serious. The writing is good--keeps me reading beyond the time I wanted to read. The good guy “InCryptids” are sometimes hard to tell but that is how McGuire wanted it. I say good guy but actually they are neither. All they want is to be left alone to live their lives; they wouldn’t attack humans so are not danger.
The illustrations she uses are good, the action scenes could be used as a model, the type of danger can be unpredictable. Sometimes you know something is going to happen but it’s not what you expect. McGuire does well with placing the background of Verity (the hero). There is a touch of romance--maybe more than a touch--in this one which isn’t in the other. At least so far. Verity doesn’t have any special powers--not a wizard either--but has been trained all her life to fight the dangerous InCryptids.
I could say more but I would have to use examples from the book and as I said I don’t want to do spoilers.
Now to “The Grendel Affair” by Lisa Shearin. It’s the first in a series that just came out Jan 1. Or maybe Dec 30 but close enough for here. If she got the idea for this book from the Incrypid series I think it’s good. She put her own stamp on the idea with no need to borrow from McGuire except for perhaps the premise.
Lisa has one other series out-no single books-and again if you have not read her other one . The fantasy “Raine Benares series” do so. She knows how to write; maybe not quite as good as McGuire but not far behind. It is worth reading.
Grendel, as I mentioned, takes place in New York City. The female hero doesn’t dance though and hasn’t been trained to fight creatures and she has one power. She is a seer-not a predictor of the future but she can see through glamours so no creature can hide from her. And this one isn’t lighthearted. But as it with McGuire’s some creatures are very bad while others just want to live their lives and aren’t dangerous, however some are good guys in this one.
As with McGuire Shearin knows how to write: she is great at putting her characters in danger and getting them out, her fight scenes are good, she describes things and events well. Today I kept reading longer than I had planned. I needed to know how that scene ended. A tractor in NYC? It had already been set up that Makenna comes from a back ground that it is not surprising that she knows how to drive one. Shearin keeps her characters reacting and talking as she set them up in the beginning.
Again I could say more but would need to use examples. Shearin has an interesting reason that Makenna uses stairs not elevators--yecch even if it didn’t happen to her. Shearin comes up with some interesting comments for her hero to make which I believe add to the story. Something in the Raine books. This book is worth reading and as I said I will read the next one.
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Okay, another new writing update-this includes my Indie stuff too:
I finished my themed story set for the Urban Fantasy series of short stories even though one isn’t all that short. My MC is a painter who makes a living selling his paintings and writing books for Mid Grade readers. I have included that now and then in his various adventures but I think I may add one scene with him delivering a painting and/or doing a show at a gallery. I’m not sure where I will place that but I need to go back over my stories--half of them need revising and the other half need minor changes like names and how something works--anyway, so it wouldn’t be hard to add that scene.
I need to finish the story at work on my Steampunk themed story set. I may this week but probably about halfway through next week.
I need to restart one of the final stories in my Alchemy story set. It may not be as long as I thought it would be but I have more stories in that world so I may still have 50,000 words. If not I will have to do another story.
The other day I was thinking about the covers for these sets because it hit me all of a sudden. I could go through CreateSpace to do a Print On Demand paper book. Wow, I had forgotten about that as I had forgotten that was one reason why I started putting seven stories in my story sets instead of five. I checked CreateSpace and found that only one placed only five stories in his CreateSpace anthologies. All others with few stories do seven. Anyway, my 50,000+ story sets should be good no matter how many stories I have in them. So back to the covers.
The Steampunk cover would be the easiest. All I need is a small streamlined airship for the upper half of the cover. Maybe a border and from one to ten people dressed in all black including their faces on the bottom half. Maybe blowguns in the border or as the border. On the side would be a smaller pic of the blowguns or airship if I don’t have blowguns. On the top of the back would be the airship. Under it would be a blurb. Oh, on the cover would be the title and my name. I’m not sure what colors but I assume darker ones would be a good fit, not sure about the color of the title and/or my name though.
For the UF set I wondered about making the cover various objects from the stories: a griffin, a man made of super hot plasma, a horse drown carriage, a giant horse shaped golem, Tinker Bell type fairies, Hell hounds. But all of those would be way too much and I’m not sure if I could settle for just a couple.---well, maybe the Hell hounds and golem. But I decide on something simple-easier to do too. A fancy stand alone coat rack with a full length brown leather jacket on it, an easel with a canvas on it and a staff. One object will be on the side, the back will have a smaller pic of the whole cover with blurb under it.
The Alchemy cover would be simple too. The top half would be a Transit--the Ford mini delivery truck--possibly with some decorations on the side. Bottom half would be various bowls and jars made from various materials and plastic containers. Not sure what would be on the side, maybe a few of the jars and such. The Transit would be on the back with blurb.
But first of all I need to revise the stories I have and finish one maybe two more. And finish the Alchemy tales. I think I will work on getting the other two ready even before I finish the Alchemy stories. And I need someone to go over all of them...maybe more than one person since I have so many stories. Speaking of that this leads to my second point in this update.
My Novel. A very nice person volunteered to go over the novel for me. She has had some experience with editing and she happened to be free at the moment. I sent her the first five chapters. If two through five aren’t enough to send her screaming down the street I will send the rest. But it will take a while to fix what she finds in. But with that done I only need a cover. Thinking of the story sets inspires me to come up with a easier cover for this novel. $520 is more affordable but it’s still a lot for something that might take five years to bring in that much. Maybe...hmm I don’t know something that shows she is a Mage. She doesn’t use a staff or anything else. Maybe I could find a pic of the back head of someone with short purple hair. And/or a Griffin maybe? (Shoulder shrug) I still have to think on that cover.
I haven’t put down any goals for ’14 yet but getting at least two story sets and the Novel ready to sale would be included. As would stories for each quarter of the WotF contest. Speaking of that:
I have finished 2,200 + words on a story for this quarter at WotF. Finished the first section. The second section is the section I haven’t figured out yet. I know the basics but I need more than that. But it will come as I write, the problem is how long that section will be. I could make it fairly short or find something to make it around 2,200 words. I know the ending mostly, just need a couple of small details. This is a type of story I haven’t done for a while and really may have done only a couple of. But I like the story. I will say it has two points of tension all of which I will say is that one is personal and the other is life and death.
I missed the online workshop I wanted to take from Dean Wesley Smith but found that Dave Farland has some too and Cat Rambo has been having one session online workshops. I wanted to take one-the time of day was right- but it looks like I got the date wrong and it was not will be. I say to any writer reading this check them out. $300 for Dean’s. I think Dave’s are less and the one session classes are under fifty.
Another goal would be to take at least one more online workshop--maybe two.
Seems like there was something else I wanted to mention but can’t think of it right now, so unless I do think of it before I post this, expect a PS. I carried out that threat last update so I might again--one never knows about me.