Sunday, January 26, 2014

Personal Note on my family

                 This post will be different: subject and the emotions behind it. I just wanted to express myself I don’t think venting is the right word here. This is a personal note but I didn’t want to just say, ”My Mother-In-Law died and I couldn’t write as much”. Too cold and too barren. Or might invite heavy condolences when we weren’t close even though I saw her a lot. I would add that a few lighter condolences wouldn’t be bad though.  I should add that I don't mind the sentiment behind any condolences. Just make them lighter. 

This is where the really personal comments come into play:

 I am emotionally conflicted.

        She died last Thursday night. It wasn’t unexpected since she had been slipping for way over a year. Her body started to get weak sometime ago kinda of suddenly. She did suffer for Alzheimer's disease or another type of dementia but she also suffered at least two strokes. No one knew about the first one because she didn’t mention the symptoms until later. Somewhere around six-eight months ago she was placed in a care facility and around two months ago officially placed on hospice. It all took a bit longer than every one seemed to think. Because of all that wife thinks her mom’s death was something of relief, she has already done her grieving as she watched her mother go down hill.        
      We were not close even though she had been in our lives(Mine, my wife and later my daughter)for over 30 years. So in that sense I will miss her being around.  I thought it sad that her mind went like it did. She was intelligent and educated but she could hardly put two sentences together. At times she would rally for a day or so and say something that made sense but most of the time her words didn’t make sense even though she still talked a lot. I don’t think she suffered that much because her awareness deteriorated also. 

  This part might be too much info but it's here anyway and does not include everything I could have shared:
 I said I was conflicted because when alive and fully functioning she was bossy and stubborn. Since she babysat for us and later home-schooled our daughter she insisted on what we could feed our daughter, that we had to use her as babysitter. Our daughter is autistic and her help was appreciated but she also took over.  Not only with food but she insisted that we-especially my wife-listen though her talking for hours even as later she started to repeat herself. It wasn’t as if we were the only people she could talk to. She would talk to a sister or friend on the phone and tell them what she had just told someone else and later us. Not because she forgot but because she liked to talk. 

I won’t go into more detail but there is more, this should be enough to explain why I said what I said at the beginning. My mother-in-law was helpful not only to us but to other people but to us she was also demanding and thought she knew it all. But, as I said already, seeing her mind go was sad and her death while peaceful-she just kinda of continually slipped away until she stopped breathing-and expected was not good. 
     Of course looking back some her attitudes, demanding and kooky ideas may have been the Alzheimer's coming on. But it all still made things conflicting.  

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